No Turning Back Now

1:07:00 PM

My surgery is scheduled for April 14 with Dr. Hoffman. Yikes! I had another appointment with him on March 29 to pay for the surgery, review what he's going to do, get pre-admission testing done, and meet with the anesthesiologist. Due to the significant size of my hernia and muscle separation, my surgeon wants to do multiple rows of stitching on my muscles and then reinforce his stitching with permanent mesh.  

I'm scared to have surgery.  This will be my first and hopefully last one.  I feel a little upset that I even have to have hernia and muscle repair in the first place.  My physical therapist says there's no exercise she could give me that could close such a wide gap, even if I didn't have the hernia further complicating things for me.  The pressure from my intestines bulging is just too great.  I wish I could have snapped back like I did after the birth of my first two sons.  At that time, my main concern was stretch marks.  But, I guess there could be worse things than surgery.  

My fear of surgery is all the things that could go wrong.  I'm trying to remain positive and not think about the what-ifs.  I have young children that need me.  My hubby recommended thinking about how much better I will feel once the hernia is gone - both physically and mentally.  My stomach still looks exactly as it did after I delivered. I keep telling people that I'm not pregnant. But, they think I'm being sarcastic because my stomach is really hard and firm to the touch when I stand up. My doctors say that's because my intestines are falling forward out of the muscle separation. When I lay down, I can see my intestines and anything that's being digested. I haven't found a binder, compression garment, or abdominal splint yet that can handle my stomach. They all curve due to the pressure.  My therapist says they would not be good for my spine anyway.

4 Weeks Postpartum
6 Weeks Postpartum
6 Months Postpartum :(

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