No Rest For The Weary

3:42:00 PM

So, the twins are 4 weeks old now! I'm very grateful for how much they've grown. I love them so, so much. The sleep deprivation is real though. My client keeps giving me new stuff to “look into.” Sigh. I just want this case to be over and done with. I have other -ish to focus on.

I started a new Bible plan with Joyce Meyers. The devotion yesterday was focused on having faith in God for Him to do what you consider difficult or impossible. I've been so worried about everything that I really haven't been exercising my faith or trusting in God to make it right. I don't know when I'll be able to sell my house. I want us to be in a position to buy another house next year.

If I'm completely honest though, I've been on the verge of tears for the past couple of weeks. Everything is just getting to me – work, finances, body image, etc. I'm trying to keep it together though and just take one moment at a time.

I still have stuff to do for my client. I'm attacking it little by little. My hubby has been telling me to try to get rest everyday, but he has no clue how difficult that is. I guess he thinks the twins somehow can take care of themselves so I should be able to just nap when I want to. Hmmp. I feel stressed just trying to find time to take a nap. For example, this is how my day went today starting with the 7:00AM feeding. I fed, burped and changed the twins. This process takes about an hour to do. It takes longer when one or both of the twins are sleepy and don't finish their bottle. I have to try to wake them to get them to eat. 

So, by 8:15, instead of napping, I decided to pump and then take a shower and get ready for the day. Well, my son started crying so I had to calm him down first. Lately, the twins have been throwing up and I didn't want his crying to cause him to throw up while he was laying down and I was in the shower.  Finally, at 8:45, I turn the water on. My son starts crying again. I finally get to shower about 9:00. I'm moving at the speed of light because I can hear my son again. Clearly, he is not supportive of my hygienic endeavor. I'm completely dressed by 9:10. I get my son and calm him again. He wakes his sister. So, now I have two crying babies to try to calm down. Oh and they eat at 10:00, which is quickly approaching, and I still haven't had breakfast. I make my way downstairs to get water for the formula because I have to supplement my breast milk with it and hurry back upstairs. Then, I feed both babies, burp both babies, and change their diapers. It's now 11:15. 

The twins settle down while I pump again.  Afterwards, I run downstairs to get my breakfast together. By 11:35,  my daughter is now awake and screaming. Yes, she learned how to scream when she's crying and it's already loud and quite shocking to the system.   She sounds like she's auditioning to be in a horror movie.  She finally stops at 1:00 when it's time for her to eat again. So, I start the feeding process again with both twins. Soon it's 2:15 and they are both crying just because they want to. It's pandemonium up in here! I finally eat lunch (which was really breakfast that I didn't finish) at 3:20 and then pump. I have to hurry though because 4:00 is quickly approaching and I need to feed them again. And that's just the first shift with the twins.  I still have homework to check for my older boys, dinner to cook, and work to do for my client.  So basically, this scenario keeps repeating itself every 24 hours. I feel like I'm stuck in a loop. So fitting in time to nap sounds good but actually being able to do it is an impossible feat at this point.

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