Working Hard For What Exactly

2:43:00 PM

I woke up fretting this morning about everything that's been going on. I can't go back to sleep because my mind just keeps reminding me of how desperate I feel. I tried writing a gratitude statement yesterday, but I gave up. The closing on the house will probably fall through because the heir is avoiding communication with me. I still have so much to take care of to be able to sell this house. When I first bought this house, I was so happy because even though it needed repairs, it was my first investment property and I didn't have to get a mortgage. But, it has been nothing but expensive and stressful, and I don't even live there. And now that I want to sell it, I can't even do that without further expense and stress. 

I was watching a movie with my hubby last night where a guy that was really down on his luck was working on an old car that belonged to his dad. He had old used parts and worked really, really hard to restore the car as best he could. He barely made any progress but one day the car actually started. He was ecstatic! It was in a garage that he was renting and he would sleep in the car. Well, he opened the garage door to drive the car for the first time. He got back in the car and put it in gear and the car died. I felt like that one scene accurately portrayed my life. I work so very hard thinking that one day I'll make significant progress due to my hard work. Then, something actually works in my favor, so I think. But, then it turns out that it wasn't in my favor after all and has actually pushed me back further than when I even started. It's crazy! I feel like I'm the only one this happens to. Like, everyone around me is living their life and enjoying simple shit. I'm not even talking about luxury type shit.

Unemployment finally paid my hubby. But, it was only for one week and they were actually short $2. I had to fucking laugh. My hubby can't receive his benefits that he paid into for that week because the system wouldn't allow him to file claiming that his application had not been processed and because of their shitty system he's the one being penalized. Like, wtf? And what's even more fucked up is that I read an article recently where it was revealed that Nazi criminals from the Holocaust were receiving millions in benefits without question or caps from our government for YEARS and some of these people weren't even living or working in the United States. It just blows my mind! 

I don't know what to do next. I can't give up of course, but I don't have a clear path to follow either and time is ticking. We need to move, but the money isn't there. We need to get a larger car, but the money isn't there. We need to buy groceries and necessities, but the money isn't there. See the pattern?

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