New Year, New Me???

3:48:00 PM



I've been having difficulty the past couple of days controlling my thoughts. I keep rehashing the abuse I've experienced growing up and into adulthood. This past weekend I got really depressed and pretty much stayed in bed on both Saturday and Sunday. I just didn't want to be awake. I'm doing better today though. Well, I had to get up and take the kiddies to school. 



I was reading a devotional today and there was a passage that stood out to me.  While I was in bed thinking about all that was wrong in my life, I kept wondering why was this happening to me. Why are my abusers blessed and gainfully employed and enjoying life?  (I don't wish them any bad.  I want them to be okay.)  But, why must I and my family suffer? Here's the passage: 

"God often permits His children to be sidelined that they may depend more deeply on Him and appreciate His word. Rather than becoming bitter with our battle against sorrow and affliction, we can view it as an opportunity for spiritual growth and a deepening of our knowledge of God and His Word."


Ok, I have to be honest and say that I didn't like what the passage was implying. But, I knew it was the truth. I haven't relied on God as much as I should. Growing up, my abusers made it seem like they owned God. So, I didn't want any part of religion or spirituality. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that I started rethinking what I thought I knew about God and realizing that my abusers were wrong. Anyway, I plan to keep this passage in mind as I work through my days.

I created a vision board for 2015. I did one for 2014. I only had a few things manifest from it, like finally winning a case I had been working on for the past six years, winning another hearing in which someone owes me money, networking more, and getting my firm's website finished. For 2015, my goals are the same but I want to be more specific about them and focus more. I definitely want to sell my house and pay off as much of my student loans as possible. I would love to take the kids to Disney this year. We need a new car. I love the 2014 Nissan Maxima. And, I want to grow my firm with more consistent paying clients.  

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